tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9113459088262891680.post7775423359311212082..comments2023-10-30T09:45:16.159-06:00Comments on Writing on the Wall: Monday Mania--First PagePrecision Editing Grouphttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17054725687044240043noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9113459088262891680.post-31747944449870938242011-07-26T19:03:25.580-06:002011-07-26T19:03:25.580-06:00Ooo, I want to read the rest, now! The one thing t...Ooo, I want to read the rest, now! The one thing that caught my attention was the detail of his "thin shirt". It felt like that must be significant. But as I read it didn't seem significant. And then I was just reading the whole thing to see why he was wearing a thin shirt. My point: detail is great, but only include it if it reveals something about the character, story, or setting.Ellyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03656473107585693412noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9113459088262891680.post-70938320735165327042011-07-26T10:16:24.315-06:002011-07-26T10:16:24.315-06:00you have some really good description but sometime...you have some really good description but sometimes less is more. What's at stake here? Why does he need a business? I like the little tease of the invasion.Janice Sperryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00178805752960449557noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9113459088262891680.post-41309576573578809302011-07-25T15:48:50.904-06:002011-07-25T15:48:50.904-06:00The invasion happened, huh? Okay, I'm hooked -...The invasion happened, huh? Okay, I'm hooked -- at least enough to want to read more. I found I skimmed most of the description of the place. That could be shortened without losing anything, since details can be added back in as we read along. I don't know Soren yet, but so far I like him.<br /><br />More, more, more!Susan Aylworthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12950324917778043680noreply@blogger.com