Monday Mania--First Page

One of our readers has submitted a first page for critique. Please offer only constructive comments.

Critique Archive #46

“Well, it’s not much, is it?”

The landlord’s forehead wrinkled up like crumpled paper. “I give you the deal of a lifetime, you tell me ‘not much?’”

Soren scratched his shoulder where the strap of his satchel had begun to rub through his thin shirt. His eyes scanned the building before him again. It looked like the innards of a sandwich squashed between two chunks of bread, pressed so close to the neighboring buildings that he doubted he could squeeze between the peeling old walls without turning sideways. A layer of grime coated the front windows and the door sagged pitifully crooked on its hinges. He thought the building might have been all white at one time, but now it displayed bare, muddy-looking brick with streaks of peeling gray and only specks of remaining white. An uneven patch of rough boards had been nailed just below one front window and Soren forced his eyes to the roof before he could think about a possibly gaping hole in the wall. The shingles were either missing or curling up on themselves like dead spiders; he winced at the prospect of placing buckets around the place to catch leaks. The thing did have two floors, but they couldn’t possibly amount to more than four rooms total, and only if two of those were bathrooms the size of broom-closets.

“It is affordable,” he admitted. He pursed his lips. “But it’s still not much.”
The landlord harrumphed. “This my only business vacancy. You don’t like? Go pay a fortune at someplace ‘much.’”

Soren chewed on his lip for a few seconds. He thought this would be an appropriate time to weigh his options, but found there was nothing he could put on the opposite side of the scale—the building before him really was the only thing he’d found that he could pay for. What had happened to the time when people could pay the same price for ten times the quality?

Of course, the answer to that was simple—the invasion had happened.

He sighed and held a hand out. “I’ll take it.”

With another harrumph, the landlord slapped a rusty key into his palm.

New Guide for Adolescent Literature

Many of us have been following Lu Ann Staheli's book reviews for years. This week, her new Guide to Adolescent literature has been released, called: Books, Books, and More Books: A Parent and Teacher's Guide to Adolescent Literature.

Congrats to our own PEG senior editor, Lu Ann!



If any of our blog followers have a book release, we are happy to announce it here.

Monday Mania--Query Letter

One of our readers has submitted a query letter for critique. Please offer only constructive comments.

Critique Archive #45

Dear Agent,

Why would a boy, who doesn't believe in magic, risk his life for a girl who exists only inside a mirror?

Ten Wicket, a high school outcast, bonds with a girl named, September Snow, who eventually goes on to become a Hollywood superstar. Mysteriously, once the spotlight falls on her, she will no longer have anything to do with him. While searching for answers, he discovers that the line between what's real and what's not, might have a few surprising jogs in it.

Mysterious reflections, powerful enemies, a mythical muse, a magic necklace and trips to a futuristic world are just a few of the twists that tie knots in Ten's pragmatic, left brain. His cynicism and cloaked vulnerability, courtesy of a rocky relationship with his parents and a cheating ex-girlfriend, ironically make Ten an easy mark for another complicated love entanglement. Along the way, the secret behind his and September's relationship, the girl in the mirror, dangers that await, and the answer to who Ten Wicket really is, begins to unravel.

WICKET, a YA, 150,000-word, fantasy-fiction novel (first in a series) weaves together mystery, adventure, suspense, fantasy, and romance cut in the shape of a triangle. At times, you will hate the characters, at times, you will love them. In every character, you will see yourself. It is, of course, a story about mirrors, but as with Ten, the magic really begins when looking beyond the reflection.

Thank you,

AUTHOR

Announcing our Live Critque Workshop

Precision Editing's LIVE CRITIQUING WORKSHOP

August 13, 2011
American Fork Library
64 South 100 East, American Fork, UT
Doors open: 10:00 a.m.
Workshop: 10:30 a.m. -- 3:30 p.m.
Includes one hour lunch break, lunch on your own

Registration deadline: August 1st

**Limited Space**

Payments to: www.paypal.com
Pay $35.00 to PayPal account: editor@precisioneditinggroup.com
**include "PEG Workshop" in the notes
**include your email address in the notes if different from your paypal address
(you don't need a PayPal account to do this)

Instructors include best-selling & award-winning authors:
Annette Lyon (Best of State winner, Whitney Award winner, author of historical fiction, women's fiction, romance, and a cookbook)

Josi S. Kilpack (Whitney Award winner, author of women's fiction, romance, suspense, culinary mysteries)

Lu Ann Staheli (Best of State winner in non-fiction, Best of State educator, author of celebrity memoirs)

Heather B. Moore (Best of State winner, Whitney Award winner, author of historical fiction and non-fiction)

Julie Wright (Whitney Award winner, author of middle grade science fiction, time-travel, contemporary young adult, and romance)

Bring:
15 pages of your manuscript, double-spaced, 12 point type
**Make 6 copies for your critique table

(We may not get through all 15 pages, but we should get through at least 10)


Questions: email editor@precisioneditinggroup.com

This information is also on our PEG WORKSHOPS page

Monday Mania--Query Letter

One of our readers has submitted a query letter for critique. Please offer only constructive comments.

Critique Archive #44

Dear Ms.****,

It was 2003 and I was living in Haiti and working for a volunteer medical organization when there was a coup to remove Jean Bertrand Aristide as the president of Haiti.

While experiencing the sounds and smells of war—the extreme isolation, the hovering military helicopters, the gunfire—I was also experiencing a fear of my best Haitian friend and a journey of extreme mental decline. This is when I began writing The Faces of Haiti, Belief or Truth—a scrapbook of memories about a single voluntary commitment which drastically changed the life of a woman who was confident, responsible, well educated, and respected, to a woman who suffered from extreme fear, serious mental decline and loss of the lifelong ability to make good decisions. Here is the story of a woman who could no longer define who was friend, lover, or foe—a woman, who, when looking in the mirror, no longer physically resembled herself.

The commitment and work required to aid a medical doctor and close friend, with the building of a physical rehabilitation program in Port au Prince, Haiti, began not only the growth of the well respected Non Governmental Organization which prospers today, but was also the catalyst in a personal endeavor that approached the precipice of insanity.

The organization, Healing Hands for Haiti, has provided care and limbs for the disabled, and the education in rehabilitation care for orphanages, hospitals, and many young Haitians. The organization is where I met my best friend; and then began a downhill slide into fear, insecurity, and paranoia. Yet that same organization gave me a chance many people never have to examine my life and the lives of others.

Hopefully I have conveyed that I have had the good fortune to separate my beliefs from truth. Learning that acceptance means an honest, non-judgmental examination of the truths and beliefs of all parties involved—including my own—and separating those beliefs from the customs of a country steeped in mystical traditions. Only then could I begin my uphill battle to regain the woman I once was.

I have been a medical social worker for twenty years, twelve years directly in Physical Rehabilitation Social Work. I began my yearly volunteer work with Healing Hands for Haiti by helping create the organization in 1998, and I moved to Haiti permanently to aid in building a new clinic in early 2004. I later moved into the community of Carrefour, Haiti to heal my mental health and begin to know Haiti and its people in an intimate and honest manner. It was in Carrefour where I experienced a new level of love and friendship.

I have attached the Table of Contents and sample chapters of my book The Faces of Haiti, Belief or Truth and hope you will find in them a desire to read more. Thank you for your consideration.

Interview with middle-grade author Frank Cole

I’d like to welcome Frank Cole to our blog. If there’s one word I could use to describe Frank it’s: enthusiastic. He has a contagious enthusiasm about him that draws the kids in.

Frank is the author of the middle-grade series, Hashbrown Winters. His newest book is the middle grade book, The Guardians of the Hidden Scepter. Frank has had 4 books come out in two years—I think he’s found a niche.



Something I’ve learned from my writer friends who write in the children’s genre is that children’s authors have to put themselves right into the action—and go to where their readers are: Elementary schools. So if you are reluctant to spend time speaking to a group of school kids (over and over), it will be tough to compete with the other children’s authors out there who are working hard to connect to their audience.

I hope you enjoy the interview!

Heather: Like I mentioned, being a successfully published children's book author requires school visits. Tell us how you manage to work these in and if you think they are worth the effort. Also let us know if you have any tips for new children's book authors out there who are planning on doing school visits.

Frank: I honestly feel it is one of the best ways to promote your work to kids. Especially for the younger middle grade audience. I think kids need to connect with the author and by providing a fun, educational presentation at their school, you create that connection. It can become difficult trying to juggle writing, marketing, and delivering school presentations, but I think it is well worth the investment of time. My tips would be to have as much fun as you possibly can. When the presentation becomes a chore for you, the kids will pick up on that and lose interest. Be animated and be funny if you can. And keep them involved throughout the presentation, whether with Q&A or with activities.

Heather: You’ve had 4 books come out since 2009. Tell us about your publishing experience. Did you get your first book written published? And how long did it take to find a publisher?

Frank: I went through your typical grueling experience to become published. Tons of rejection letters. Tons of rewrites. Always questioning whether or not I truly wanted to continue. The first book I wrote took the brunt of most of my rejections and no it has yet to be published. (Probably never will.) From the moment I realized I wanted to be a published author to the day my first book appeared on bookshelves took about 8 years. Still, I feel it was worth the wait!

Heather: I love hearing the stories of how authors have persevered through rejections and revisions. Well done! I think many of us have those first manuscripts that are buried on an archaic disk drive somewhere. It’s important for new writers to know that their first, most beloved, book may never be published, but we all have to start that next book. What are some things you wished you would have known when you had your first book published?

Frank: How much work I would have to do to promote it. It really doesn't matter if you're published by one of the big publishing companies or an independent publisher. The real work begins when you sign the contract.

Heather: Agreed. Yes, if you are on the A list with a publisher, you’ll get more advertising, but the author still has an incredible amount of self-promotion to do. Speaking of promoting one’s self, social media has become a must in promoting books. In fact, publishers are asking their authors to create an on-line presence. What type of social media do you use in marketing your books? And what do you find to be the most effective or useful?

Frank: I blog (franklewiscole.blogspot.com), I use Facebook quite a bit, and I've recently started building an e-mail list (should've started earlier.) So far, Facebook has been my most effective tool in spreading the word.

Heather: Your newest book, The Guardians of the Hidden Scepter, is separate from your Hashbrown Winters series. Give us the elevator pitch.

Frank: The Guardians of the Hidden Scepter is my take on action adventure with an Indiana Jones type feel, but with kids as the stars. If you like action and suspense, but also enjoy laughing along the way, this book should appeal to you.

Heather: Sounds great. What has been your most rewarding experience since becoming an author?

Frank: I love seeing a book I wrote on a bookstore shelf, but I think the most rewarding experience has been whenever a parent or a teacher at an elementary school approaches me and tells me my books have helped ignite a love of reading within their child or student. That's what it's all about!

Heather: I definitely agree with that. It’s very humbling, yet very motivating as well and makes the grueling hours of editing more worthwhile. What have you learned about the publishing industry that you didn't know before you got your contract?

Frank: I think I've learned there are literally thousands of people trying to get something published and most of them are quality writers with really great ideas. It's intimidating. I've also learned for most people in the industry (myself included) writing an awesome story is only the beginning. Marketing your project, putting it in people's hands, presenting yourself in as many places possible is the very next step.

Heather: Thank you, Frank. In parting, what advice do you have for aspiring authors?

Frank: Don't give up and keep writing. Rejection is part of the business. If you give up after the first or fiftieth rejection, you'll never realize what you could have accomplished. Don't stay married to your first novel. The best thing you can do is to keep writing and learning. You abilities will develop after each book you finish. It's likely your first novel won't be the one that receives the contract. So, start cracking out your second and third.

Frank Cole's Blog
Frank Cole's Hashbrown Winters series on Amazon
The Guardians of the Hidden Scepter on Amazon

Announcements

Our senior editor, Lu Ann Staheli will be teaching a writing workshop April 9, 2011, at Confetti Books in Spanish Fork, Utah. Lu Ann is a Best of State Author and Best of State Educator. Registration info is on her blog: Lu Ann's Library.

Also, if any of our blog followers have a book release, we are happy to announce it here.

Recently, Josi S. Kilpack's culinary mystery, Blackberry Crumble was released. Congrats!



Also, congrats to Julie Wright. Her first middle grade Sci Fi just came out!