Two of our readers submitted a query letter for critique. Feel free to make comments, but please keep them constructive.
Critique Archive 0030:
To The Editor,
Eden has a new, blue umbrella, and its not your average ho-hum, every-day umbrella,this is the kind of umbrella that can sweep a girl off her feet! Which is just what happens to Eden in this adventre story for kids aged about 2 to 5 years old.
I see from my research that you are interested in fresh imaginative picture books,and I hope this manuscript will fit your list well.
My completed manuscript is XXX words, and is enclosed along with an SASE.
Thank you for your consideration,
Critique Archive 0031:
On the game board of Ancient Greece, mortals are despised, but not dispensable, creatures, for it is their worship that is the basis of the Gods’ power. Robbed of this power and stripped of her Godhood by her sister Hera, abandoned by her lover Zeus, Demeter finds herself in the position of a pawn, moved hither and thither by the Gods’ whims.
Living as a mortal, Demeter must bring her child into the world and raise her without all the privilege and power she possessed as one of Olympus' chosen. A mother Goddess who has no desire to be a mother, Demeter grows increasingly bitter under the burden of motherhood and her mortal life. She vents her anger on the one she should love best, her daughter, Persephone.
Persephone seeks solace from her mother’s wrath in the forest surrounding the village in which they live. On one such foray, Persephone plucks a narcissus growing at the mouth of a cavern. The cavern spews out a chariot bearing Persephone’s fate in its basket; Hades, ruler of the dead. He abducts Persephone, carries her to his realm and forces her to share her body and her bed with him.
Frantic at Persephone’s loss, desperate, now that her daughter is beyond her reach, to recompense for all the ways she wronged Persephone, Demeter sets out on a quest for Persephone’s freedom that takes her from Poseidon’s depths to Olympus’s heights. Zeus restores Demeter’s Godhood, but refuses to command Hades to release Persephone.
With a wealth of power once again at her disposal Demeter is free to manipulate the mortal world in any way necessary to gain her daughter’s freedom. Her only consideration is how many mortals it will be necessary to destroy before Zeus feels his throne tilt beneath him and comes to heel.
As Demeter schemes for her release in the Upper World, Persephone formulates plan after plan of escape in the Under; all of which Hades thwarts. However, daily pressed into proximity with this dark God, Persephone finds his impassive exterior hides a kind man, whose need for love and compassion surpass even her own. Unaware of Demeter’s cruel plan and what her continued absence from the Upper World means to the mortals who dwell there, Persephone begins to wonder if escape is truly what she wants.
SEEDS, a historical fantasy, is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.