Query Letter Samples

A popular post from June 2009

Okay I promised to show the sample of the query letter which landed me my agent. This particular letter is at 100%. Which means every agent and editor I sent it to asked for at least a partial on the manuscript. Something I'd always been told about query letters is to never include an excerpt of your book in your query. No one likes it and it's bad form. I went ahead and included an excerpt for two reasons:
1. I knew the excerpt was good
2. It said so much more about the book than I could have.

So there are a lot of rules about query letters, but the really important ones are:
-Be professional
-Be intelligent (don't call your manuscript a fiction novel, because a novel *is* fiction)
-Have several people review your query to make certain you don't have a bunch of grammar errors going on

Your query letter should accomplish three things: It should tell the agent/editor about the plot, the characters, and the author.

Here's that sample:

Dear Awesome Agent,

“Wh—what happened?” My voice sounded foreign and hollow.
He stared down at me, his ashen face hard with lack of emotion. He seemed to be measuring me. I looked away, unable to meet the eyes that held no shred of compassion.
He took a deep breath as though he were about to lecture a child. “You’re dead, Summer Dawn Rae.”

The last thing Summer remembers from her own time was the truck smashing through the driver’s side of the car. She should have died in the crash. Instead, she is rescued by Taggert, a soldier from the year 2113. Sent by Professor Raik, a scientist with political power, Tag travels back in time to save teenagers who would otherwise have been killed in tragic accidents. Summer learns that she has been saved to help repopulate a dying world where men and women have been rendered sterile due to disease and genetic mutation.

But Summer mourns the loss of her twin sister—and quickly realizes things in the future are not exactly as they have been explained to her. She must make her way in a world lost to disease and insanity with only Tag to depend on for protection, friendship, and possibly something more. Fighting the crazies, the politics behind the crazy war, and the scientist’s true intentions, Tag and Summer realize that the future can’t be saved anywhere, except in the past with the twin sister Summer refuses to leave behind.

SR: The Revolution is a science fiction YA novel that is a cross between Uglies and Twilight. It’s a story proving the human heart is stronger than science, and the bond of sisterhood can change the face of the world.

I currently have two published YA contemporary novels: To Catch a Falling Star, and My Not-So-Fairy-Tale Life, as well as an adult paranormal romance novel, Loved Like That. To Catch a Falling Star won the best fiction award with my publishing house in 2001, and My Not-So-Fairy-Tale Life sold out of its first print run and is currently on a second printing in a niche market. I have a time travel YA book, Eyes Like Mine, releasing in July. I am an editor for Precision Editing Group, do school visits, and speak to youth groups on a regular basis.

Thank you for your generous time. I enjoyed spending time with you at the editor’s retreat here in Utah and look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Julie Wright

And here is another query that I'd say had a 70% positive reaction:

Dear Awesome Agent,

Twelve-year-old Frederick Eugene Hazzard (Hap) works in his family magic shop, Hazzard's Magical Happenings. Knowing about magic the way he does, Hap knows that everything is illusion-and he doesn't believe in magic. He doesn't believe in the paranormal. And mostly, he doesn't believe in aliens. Hap's belief system is knocked out of orbit as he and his friend, Tara, are accidentally abducted by a ship full of aliens. With the Intergalactic Communications Enforcers (ICE) chasing the aliens and their human captain, Laney, Hap and Tara are reluctant guests for the travel to the other side of the universe.

There they meet Amar, the last living of the nine unknown scientists from India's mythology. He's sworn to protect the secrets hidden within the nine books of his brothers. The books contain information that, if placed in the wrong hands, would systematically destroy the universe. In a desperate attempt to get home, Hap and Tara unwittingly deliver the device that enables the books to be read to the space mafia boss, Don Nova, getting the scientist captured and sentenced to die in the process. Rescuing the scientist, getting back the prism, and escaping Nova's clutches requires courage, ingenuity, and a little pocket magic.

Now Hap and Tara must race Nova in a search spanning the universe for the missing nine books before the world and families they love are obliterated. Fighting Neubins, surviving intergalactic phone calls, and discovering the secrets of Stonehenge, the pyramids, ghosts, and the Nazca Lines is just the beginning in proving the universe really is a big place-a place only Hap Hazzard can save.

The Hazzardous Universe is a 67,000 word middle grade novel that includes a little soft science, a little mythology, and a whole lot of adventure. It easily fits in with other middle-grade boy adventure series such as Percy Jackson and the Olympians, or Fablehaven.

I currently have two published YA contemporary novels: To Catch a Falling Star, and My Not-So-Fairy-Tale Life, as well as an adult paranormal romance novel, Loved Like That. To Catch a Falling Star won the best fiction award with my publishing house in 2001, and My Not-So-Fairy-Tale Life sold out of its first print run and is currently on a second printing. I have another YA book (Eyes Like Mine, time travel) coming out summer of 2009. I won the fantasy/science fiction short story contest sponsored by Media Play for The Man in Mandalore. I write at least two books a year, am actively involved in school visits and speaking to youth. I am a member of SCBWI, and an editor for Precision Editing Group.

Thank you for your generous time. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,

Julie Wright

You can see that even in a query letter, I have no clue how to be brief. Everyone says keep the query letters short. And they are absolutely right. But brevity isn't something I'm good at. If you can tell your story in a shorter frame, then by all means DO IT! For me, my letters are under a page--as they should be, and they tell about the three important things: the plot, the characters, and the author.

I hope the examples help. :)

Now What?

A popular post from December 2010

By Julie Wright and Phyllis Towzey

So You've written A Book . . . Now What?

With Nanowrimo behind us, there are many new authors with their first books under their belts wondering what to do with all these newly written words. I belong to several online writer's groups, one of which is a teen author's group that daily gives me good information about the market and writing. recently a new author asked the question, "Now what?" And one of the other writers, Phyllis Towzey, gave such a great answer, that I'd like to repeat it here (with her permission). Phyllis is the sort of person who is always there to congratulate people and offer help when she can. She is awesome. Just sayin . . .

First off--congratulations on completing a new book!

Second, I'd advise you not to be too quick to get it out there. You should take a step back and not even look at it for at least a few weeks, then go back and read it again with an eye to polishing it, layering in more details where needed, cutting out scenes or descriptions that aren't necessary, etc.
Use the two weeks or so that you are not working on it to research agents who represent that type of book, and select 5 or 6 you like. (You can research agents through websites and blogs -- once you find a few good agent blogs, they usually link to other agent blogs, and all of those link to their agency websites). Another good way to find an agent is to subscribe to Publishers
Marketplace. It's online and costs $20 per month, and you can go to the Dealmakers section and search the type of book you write and find out what agents have made sales. Also, PM sends you emails with industry news and deals. Well worth the investment, IMO.

Then I would have a couple people "beta read" it for you. I use a friend who is an avid reader of the type of books I write, and a writer-friend, and get their input, consider it, and if you agree, make more revisions. (Little aside from Julie here: Beta readers are absolute gold! Put your ego aside and really consider the advice they give. I'm not saying you have to make all the changes they ask for, but I am saying to be honest with yourself even when it bruises your pride. Be willing to make changes. Accept it as a challenge to do better.)

While you are waiting to hear back from your beta readers, search the 5 or 6 agents you've identified on sites like Absolute Write (www.absolutewrite.com), and Predators and Editors (http://pred-ed.com/)to make sure there's not any bad stuff about them (if there is, cross them off your list). (You don't want to sign with an agent who charges fees, or has been identified as a 'scam' agent).

Write a synopsis of your book. (aside from Julie again: Take this one seriously too. The synopsis and the query are sometimes ALL the agent/editor will see of your writing. Be thorough. Do a good job. Make sure you get it right.)

Then follow the agents' guidelines for sending a query. Most take queries by email, but some don't. Some want you to send part of your manuscript and a synopsis with the query, but most just want the query.

Then wait to hear back, and meanwhile start working on your next book. :)

And above all, don't get discouraged. It takes a while to find an agent, and even longer to find a publisher. If you aren't getting any requests on your queries, then look at your query and ask other writers to review it for you -- maybe it could be stronger. (That's why I say start with just 5 or 6 agents -- you don't want to send out a hundred queries, then realize your query sucked, and meanwhile all those agents have passed on your project).

Hope this helps!

- Phyllis
Julie again: See what I mean? Phyllis is awesome, and her advice absolutely spot on. If you've just finished a book, don't be too anxious to jump into submissions. Make it the best you can first. I would only add that it is important to hook into writing communities. Get involved in online communities, go to a conference or two, get a critique group. the friendships you build in the community will make all the difference. I promise you that.

Does anyone else have any advice for new writers? This is a good time to be putting that advice out there.

Monday Mania--Query Letter

Two of our readers submitted query letters for critique. Feel free to make comments, but please keep them constructive.

Query #1
Critique Archive 0033:

Dear ______________

I’m seeking representation for my completed, 65,000 word, middle-grade fantasy entitled, Little Pig, Little Pig.

When Eli, a 1950’s farm boy, receives a pair of magical, mind-reading piglets from an anonymous sender, he thinks it’s the beginning of something wonderful. What the boy doesn’t realize is that the pigs have been delivered because of his habit of telling tall tales. The more Eli lies, the faster the pigs grow and the hungrier they become. When his pigs take to secretly raiding neighboring feed supplies and even harming other animals and people, Eli’s impoverished farming community is in danger of financial ruin and even serious injury. Eli must stop the pigs before they hurt anyone else but the pigs have multiplied and the boy discovers they intend to force him to mail their offspring to other deceitful children. Can Eli defeat the products of his own dishonesty before they destroy other families and towns? Or is it too late to tell the truth and make up for what he has done?

I would appreciate the opportunity to send you a few chapters, or the entire manuscript of Little Pig, Little Pig at your request. Feel free to contact me via phone, email, or the enclosed SASE. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,

AUTHOR


Query #2
Critique Archive 0034:

Dear _______

Michael Anderson has never set foot on Earth, but it haunts him as much as the fear that he will never live up to the legacy of his astrophysicist parents. So when his parents construct mankind’s first artificial, traversable wormhole, he sets out on the mission to explore the source of a mysterious signal coming from the other side—a signal originating from an eerily Earth-like world.

Twenty light years from home, an ancient alien ghost ship materializes in mid-space and starts to chase them down. To make matters worse, Terra, Michael’s mission partner, begins acting strangely, avoiding him and refusing to share her work. As the ghost ship draws nearer, Michael must answer: what do the aliens want? Why won’t they respond to his transmissions? What caused the alien civilization on the surface of the world to disappear? And is Terra the one going insane—or is it him?

Genesis Earth is a 73,000 word science fiction novel. While it stands on its own as a complete story, it has potential for at least two sequels. I have one short story published in the January 2010 issue of The Leading Edge (Brigham Young University’s science fiction & fantasy magazine), and in past years I have won first and second place in the annual Mayhew short story contest at BYU.

Thank you very much for your consideration. As noted in your submission guidelines, I have enclosed ______.

Cordially,


AUTHOR

Top Ten Query Letter Mistakes

By Julie Wright

I went to lunch with one of my favorite authors last week, J. Scott Savage. Going to lunch with him is like being put on a battery charger. I always leave him feeling better about myself and the things I want to accomplish in my life. He made a comment that bears repeating:

If you succeed at everything you do, you probably aren't trying challenging enough things.

I concede the point, Mr. Savage. And this should feel like good news to those of us who are consistently tackling mountains. At least we know we aren't complacent.

Writer's Digest did a top ten list on query letter mistakes. I read through the list and got a few chuckles from it, wiped my brow in relief that I never have made any of those mistakes, and then wondered if they got the list right. While they are dead on with some of them, there were other mistakes that weren't mentioned that certainly deserve mentioning. So I made my own list. I borrowed a couple from theirs which I will note with a asterisk so you know where I blatantly plagiarized.

1. Beauty is only skin deep: you wrote your query but have a coffee cup stain on the paper, or you printed it out on paper that smells like day old soup. Or if you sent an e-query, your formatting gets lost on the way to the agent's computer and now looks like a jumbled mess, or your signature line has a cheesy picture of your cat in it. Remember the importance of first impressions. The moment they look at your query, you want their first impression to be good. You don't want them remembering you as the author whose query smells like soup.

2. Thy humble servant: I know it seems like it a good idea to confess your lack of experience but agents and editors don't want to know that you have no idea what you're doing even if you do think humility might win you brownie points. If you have no publishing credits, fine, but don't write things like, "This is my first book ever and though I don't have any publishing credits, I'm really hoping you'll give me a chance." Be confident. You wrote a book! You should feel accomplished.

3. Cut the cheese: I'm not talking about passing gas here, I'm talking about literally cutting the cheesy stuff out of your query letters. Don't spray your pink query letter paper with perfume. Refrain from cutesy statements, but let your personality shine. I know that seems contrary, but it is a balancing act and can be done successfully if you are careful not to put in too much information. Don't be chummy, don't be cutesy, don't be cheesy.

4. Say it isn't so: If you have a friend who's an author who might endorse your book, but who hasn't actually agreed to endorse your book, don't mention it in your query letter. If you are querying an agent and mention that an editor from some big publishing house has expressed an interest in the manuscript, you had better be telling the truth. The publishing industry is small and you'd be surprised at how everyone seems to know everyone else. Don't fib to make yourself look better.

5. Flattery will get you everywhere: It seems like a great idea to flatter, butter up, or schmooze an agent or editor, but there is a wrong and right way to go about connecting with the person you're writing to. Know their real names and their real genders. Don't assume an agent named Chris is a guy. Chris could be short for Christine. If you want to impress them, then prove you did your homework by knowing their name, their client list, the things they are specifically looking for right now. That is far more flattering than saying, "I think you are totally awesome and know we will be the very best of friends!" Editors and agents aren't looking for a BFF. They are looking for writers.

6. You aren't the only fish in the sea: Do not tell an agent that you have also queried twenty other agents. Don't send them snarky replies if they send you a rejection. Chances are good they know the twenty other agents and they will all go to lunch and swap horror stories. Be professional and respectful. These are real people with real memories--real long memories.

7. This is my first novel and it's 150,000 words: I know you feel pretty cool having written that much. And it IS cool that you wrote that much, but for a first time author, no publisher wants to commit resources to print that many words. Most adult commercial fiction is between 75,000 and 100,000, and YA is between 60,000 and 80,000words. Try hard to edit your manuscript down to fit into those parameters. It stinks to edit out words that you feel are brilliant, but far better to edit out a few so the rest can actually be read.

8. Typos: check, recheck, and check again. do not send off a query letter with a typo in it. It's only a page. It's imperative that this one page is completely clean. I know manuscripts will inevitably have a few typos, but it is your job to make the editor's job easier. Don't give them reasons to say no. *

9. This is Oprah's next favorite!: Don't tell the agent/editor that you are the next Twilight, Harry Potter, Oprah pick, or that you will definitely sell a million books because you are so brilliant. I said earlier to be confident, but that doesn't mean be cocky.

10. Boring: If you query letter is boring and reads like a third grade book report, then what is the agent/editor supposed to expect from your actual manuscript? Don't have one long paragraph for your story synopsis in the query letter, but break it up into three to four line paragraphs. That helps make it less daunting visually. And remember to keep it interesting. Think of what kind of book jacket blurb would attract you and compel you to make a book purchase. You want your query letter to hold that same sort of excitement.

2010: Looking Forward

by Heather Moore



I literally gained ten pounds writing my most recent book. It wasn’t really that I ate more chocolate (although that could be true), or ate more fast food to cut back on shopping or cooking time (although that might be true as well), but as I became so caught up in finishing the project, it seemed that every spare moment was be used in writing, not exercising.

This week, I managed to go running (30% running/ 70% walking) three times. This is a record since probably, oh, August. Because it’s freezing in my city, I dragged my 12 year old with me to the local rec center to run the track. Monday was quiet there, Tuesday was busier, and by Thursday it was packed.

As we maneuvered ourselves in and out of other eager runners, I told my daughter, “It will stay packed like this through January, then by the first week of February only a few will remain.”

Ah, the New Year’s Resolutions, and the initial burst of energy and determination that fades almost as quickly as it starts. I have seen this lately with many writer friends. Queries have been sent out in a flurry in November and December, many times unpolished. Rejections have already filtered in, and discouragement has set in. One of my friends, after four rejections in just a few weeks, completely gave up.

It’s hard to stay motivated and positive as we write and submit. We might spend a weekend researching agents and by Monday morning we have submitted to six or eight of them. But in a recent WD article, agent Ann Rittenberg says she receives 3,000 queries per year, and 75% are for novels. Of that, 90% are for first novels, meaning 2,000 queries are for first novels. Ann says that “80 percent of those query letters about first novels never should have been sent” (“Submitting Your Novel: Basics of a Solid 3-Paragraph Query,” Writer’s Digest, January 2010, 62). Ann also says that many of those queries are for types of books that she doesn’t represent, or it’s obvious that the writers “were not ready to be published and the books were not ready to be agented.” (ibid)

But what if we are ready? We’ve finished the book, gone through revisions with trusted editors, written a powerful query, and we are still receiving rejections? Do we stop going to the track? Stop running altogether?

Looking forward to 2010, my advice is:
1. Use rejections to improve your work. Slow down a little and put in the right effort to submit to the right agent. Researching agents and/or publishers will be worth your time.
2. Understand that the submitting process is a waiting game, which means that you need to have more than just one writing goal.
3. Stay open to ideas and options. There are many genres and avenues you can get published through.
4. Don’t just set "be all, end all" writing goals, but set back-up goals when you reach that left turn.
5. As we know, writing is not for the faint-hearted. It’s wonderful to create, but there will come a point when you feel as if you are slugging through the muddy marshes of revising.

James Michener said, “Being goal-oriented instead of self-oriented is crucial. I know many people who want to be writers. But let me tell you, they really don’t want to be writers. They want to have been writers. They wish they had a book in print. They don’t want to go through the work of getting the damn book out. There is a huge difference.” (as quoted in WD, Jan 2010, 46)

Will you still be “running” in February? I hope so!