One of our readers submitted a query letter for critique. Feel free to make comments, but please keep them constructive.
Critique Archive 0035:
Date
Dear Editor/Agent,
Watched is a young adult romantic suspense novel about fifteen year old Christy Hadden, who finds her life changing more from the attention of two boys than witnessing a brutal murder.
A complete social outcast at home, Christy sets off to change her life on a school trip to Washington D.C. After witnessing the murder of a Senator’s aide, not only are the eyes of the terrorists and the FBI on her, but also the eyes of two hot boys. Choosing between them will prove even more difficult than helping uncover the terrorists’ plot. Alex sends her heart racing, leading her to do things she wouldn’t normally do, while Rick makes her feel safe and secure in her own skin. She must discover if what she has learned about boys and right and wrong holds true in the real world, risk feeling the guilt that comes with choosing to go against what she has been taught, and discover what she truly believes and values.
Being a teacher, and having won an award for my writing, I wanted to write a book my own students would love to read. Watched will captivate teens as they identify with Christy’s desire to change, the excitement and pain associated with it and the inevitable discovery of those pieces of herself she is unwilling to alter.
The completed manuscript of 95,000 words is available upon request. Thank you for your generous time. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Monday, February 1, 2010
Monday Mania--Query Letter
Two of our readers submitted query letters for critique. Feel free to make comments, but please keep them constructive.
Query #1
Critique Archive 0033:
Dear ______________
I’m seeking representation for my completed, 65,000 word, middle-grade fantasy entitled, Little Pig, Little Pig.
When Eli, a 1950’s farm boy, receives a pair of magical, mind-reading piglets from an anonymous sender, he thinks it’s the beginning of something wonderful. What the boy doesn’t realize is that the pigs have been delivered because of his habit of telling tall tales. The more Eli lies, the faster the pigs grow and the hungrier they become. When his pigs take to secretly raiding neighboring feed supplies and even harming other animals and people, Eli’s impoverished farming community is in danger of financial ruin and even serious injury. Eli must stop the pigs before they hurt anyone else but the pigs have multiplied and the boy discovers they intend to force him to mail their offspring to other deceitful children. Can Eli defeat the products of his own dishonesty before they destroy other families and towns? Or is it too late to tell the truth and make up for what he has done?
I would appreciate the opportunity to send you a few chapters, or the entire manuscript of Little Pig, Little Pig at your request. Feel free to contact me via phone, email, or the enclosed SASE. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
AUTHOR
Query #2
Critique Archive 0034:
Dear _______
Michael Anderson has never set foot on Earth, but it haunts him as much as the fear that he will never live up to the legacy of his astrophysicist parents. So when his parents construct mankind’s first artificial, traversable wormhole, he sets out on the mission to explore the source of a mysterious signal coming from the other side—a signal originating from an eerily Earth-like world.
Twenty light years from home, an ancient alien ghost ship materializes in mid-space and starts to chase them down. To make matters worse, Terra, Michael’s mission partner, begins acting strangely, avoiding him and refusing to share her work. As the ghost ship draws nearer, Michael must answer: what do the aliens want? Why won’t they respond to his transmissions? What caused the alien civilization on the surface of the world to disappear? And is Terra the one going insane—or is it him?
Genesis Earth is a 73,000 word science fiction novel. While it stands on its own as a complete story, it has potential for at least two sequels. I have one short story published in the January 2010 issue of The Leading Edge (Brigham Young University’s science fiction & fantasy magazine), and in past years I have won first and second place in the annual Mayhew short story contest at BYU.
Thank you very much for your consideration. As noted in your submission guidelines, I have enclosed ______.
Cordially,
AUTHOR
Query #1
Critique Archive 0033:
Dear ______________
I’m seeking representation for my completed, 65,000 word, middle-grade fantasy entitled, Little Pig, Little Pig.
When Eli, a 1950’s farm boy, receives a pair of magical, mind-reading piglets from an anonymous sender, he thinks it’s the beginning of something wonderful. What the boy doesn’t realize is that the pigs have been delivered because of his habit of telling tall tales. The more Eli lies, the faster the pigs grow and the hungrier they become. When his pigs take to secretly raiding neighboring feed supplies and even harming other animals and people, Eli’s impoverished farming community is in danger of financial ruin and even serious injury. Eli must stop the pigs before they hurt anyone else but the pigs have multiplied and the boy discovers they intend to force him to mail their offspring to other deceitful children. Can Eli defeat the products of his own dishonesty before they destroy other families and towns? Or is it too late to tell the truth and make up for what he has done?
I would appreciate the opportunity to send you a few chapters, or the entire manuscript of Little Pig, Little Pig at your request. Feel free to contact me via phone, email, or the enclosed SASE. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
AUTHOR
Query #2
Critique Archive 0034:
Dear _______
Michael Anderson has never set foot on Earth, but it haunts him as much as the fear that he will never live up to the legacy of his astrophysicist parents. So when his parents construct mankind’s first artificial, traversable wormhole, he sets out on the mission to explore the source of a mysterious signal coming from the other side—a signal originating from an eerily Earth-like world.
Twenty light years from home, an ancient alien ghost ship materializes in mid-space and starts to chase them down. To make matters worse, Terra, Michael’s mission partner, begins acting strangely, avoiding him and refusing to share her work. As the ghost ship draws nearer, Michael must answer: what do the aliens want? Why won’t they respond to his transmissions? What caused the alien civilization on the surface of the world to disappear? And is Terra the one going insane—or is it him?
Genesis Earth is a 73,000 word science fiction novel. While it stands on its own as a complete story, it has potential for at least two sequels. I have one short story published in the January 2010 issue of The Leading Edge (Brigham Young University’s science fiction & fantasy magazine), and in past years I have won first and second place in the annual Mayhew short story contest at BYU.
Thank you very much for your consideration. As noted in your submission guidelines, I have enclosed ______.
Cordially,
AUTHOR
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