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Critique Archive #53
Critique Archive #53
Dear Ms. **** ,
The
Ninth has been chosen and the Shadow Wraiths have been summoned to destroy him.
. . .
It’s normal for sixteen-year-old
Macy Burdow to be awakened in the middle of the night to fight off demons; she’s
a member of the Chosen, a group of humans
selected to protect mankind from the monsters of the Hidden Race. But tonight
is no ordinary night in the life of a Chosen. The Ninth has been discovered and
Forrest Bastian, Macy's Watcher, has
been elected to train and protect the child of prophecy. But when Bastian is
murdered the responsibility of teaching and training the Ninth falls to Macy;
except Tolen Parks is no small child, he’s seventeen, a clueless wimp, and Macy
blames him for Bastian’s death. How can she train and protect someone she
hates?
Macy must overcome her resentment,
see Tolen for who he truly is and fulfill her role in his destiny. If she
doesn’t the demons of the Dark will not stop until they kill him. Without the
Ninth the delicate balance between the human and Hidden worlds will collapse
and allow the release of an army of evil with a single goal—to destroy the human
race and claim this world as their own. . . .
THE LEGEND OF THE NINTH CHOSEN:
THE SHADOW PRISON is a 90,000 word YA Contemporary Fantasy, grounded in
reality, that pulls the reader in with action, suspense, and a touch of
romance; while showing through the points of view of both Macy and Tolen that
love, friendship, and loyalty are the most powerful weapons in the war against
evil.
I have published a short story
with …. and when I’m not spending time with my
husband and two boys camping, watching Ice Age and Merlin marathons, or playing
with our motley crew of animals, I’m daydreaming, writing, painting, or
volunteering with a local youth group of twelve to eighteen-year-old girls. I
enjoy reading many of your book suggestions on goodreads and I would like to
think my style compares to that of Lesley Livingston and Ally Condie. I hope my
novel can find a place with you as well.
Thank you for your time and
consideration.
Sincerely,
****Author
Posts
3 comments:
I admit, I kind of thought Macy was the Ninth at first, but other than that, I think this sounds really fun. I love the idea of the coming conflict between her and the guy. Sounds like a great set up!
I also thought Macy was a Ninth at first, and I'm not sure I'm in love with the first sentence, since I felt your summarization later explained it so well, but I think this is a great story idea and a well written query--it definitely made me want to read more. I felt like I had a good sense of the story and the characters. I did feel there were some missing commas here and there, but overall I think you've done a great job with your query. Good luck!
Thanks you guys!
I'm actually excited again! Queries are a nightmare. I'm going to trim off that first sentence and get a PEG edit. I admit grammar is my bane.
Thanks again!!!
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