One of our readers submitted a query letter for critique. Feel free to make comments, but please keep them constructive.
Critique Archive 0024:
Dear Agent,
Nick Sanchez has just arrived in hell. And he didn’t have to die toget there; he simply accepted a temporary Bureau assignment in Northern Idaho.
Three women have gone missing from Sprague, Idaho within three consecutive years, and the FBI has sent Special Agent Nick Sanchez to the backwoods burg to investigate. When Nick discovers the common factor in all three cases, he begins to scrutinize dormant white supremacist factions in the area. What he finds is beyond shocking: a prominent author has turned his controversial novels into a doomsday cult promoting beliefs in Nordicism and polygamy.
Nick is about to break the biggest case of his career—if he can prove that the missing women have been inducted into the cult of Nordica. But Nordica mastermind Pierce Crawford seems to outwit and outmaneuver Nick every step of the way. Finding tangible proof becomes an insurmountable quest, extending Nick’s stay in hell indefinitely.
While this prolonged stay in Sprague threatens Nick’s plans for an illustrious career, it proves hazardous to his guarded personal life as well. He finds himself falling for the right girl at the wrong time and in definitely the wrong place. Nick needs to put distance between himself and his personal Delilah, but the resulting separation is both unpredictable and excruciating. Lindy Watson disappears, her name added to the list of missing women. Her abduction will unravel the case against Nordica and will bring Nick to question his instincts, his impartiality, and his future at the Bureau. But even more troubling to Nick than a major career derailment is the fact that his misjudgments may cost the life of the only woman he’s ever loved.
The Saving Race is a 104,000 word romantic mystery. Many of the elements adapted by the cult of Nordica are taken from recurring headlines and are topics which draw abundant curiosity and interest.
The Saving Race is my third novel.
Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Author
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6 comments:
I wish I had some constructive criticism for you, but all I can say is that I think it's great!
It sounds great to me. I hope someone picks it up soon so that I can read it. One comment, you need a comma after Idaho.
First paragraph - toget should be to get.
Otherwise looks great to me. Really hooked my attention and kept it. This is definitely something I'd want to read.
no criticism here aside from the few teensy tiny grammar things already pointed out. Great job. This is a book I'd love to read.
Thanks for the comments gals! You gave me the courage I was looking for. Now I will submit, submit, submit...etc. What fun!
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