One of our readers has submitted a query letter for critique. Please offer only constructive comments.
Critique Archive #50
Dear [Agent],
Seventeen-year-old Julienne White arrives in the town of Luray on a stretcher. At the hospital, she discovers the bone-deep gash in her leg is gone. Dresden, the boy who saved her from the horrific car accident, claims she was never hurt. She can’t decide if she’s crazy or he’s hiding something.
Julienne is afraid to fall in love and struggles with her increasing feelings for Dresden. When Dresden keeps materializing out of nowhere to save Julienne’s life, she discovers that he has unique powers. She has no idea that Dresden is part of The Trinity, a trio that is destined to guard her from Zamir.
Zamir is stealing powers from people like Dresden and turning everyone into his slaves by giving them magical necklaces that promise the power they’ve always wanted, but their powers come at a price, instead, they become his slaves.
A world unknown is opened up to Julienne when she finds that she’s the only one who can yield the Silvian necklace, a necklace that can countermand the spell that keeps Zamir from dying. Everything rests on her shoulders.
TRINITY is the first of a YA Fantasy Romance trilogy. The first completed novel of 82,000 words is available for your review.
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1 comment:
"Zamir is stealing powers from people like Dresden and turning everyone into his slaves by giving them magical necklaces that promise the power they’ve always wanted, but their powers come at a price, instead, they become his slaves."
This made sense to me until the sentence above...should it actually be "stealing powers from people like Julienne"? I followed it until that part, and then it stopped seeming logical to my mind.
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