One of our readers submitted her query letter. Feel free to make comments, but please keep them constructive.
Critique Archive 0011:
Dear Agent,
I hope you’ll find interest in Queen, a 120,000 word thriller that brings together a lethal plot, captivating history, and one toxic legend of the Queen of Sheba.
Undercover Israeli agent, Omar Zagouri, is a man who hates his job and wants to kill his boss for stealing his girlfriend. When he stumbles onto a tomb in Northern Jerusalem, he unknowingly discovers the final clue in the legend of the Queen of Sheba. Omar is thrown into the heart of deception as wealthy collectors, seedy government officials, and ruthless archaeologists scramble to find the queen’s tomb. Will Omar be able to prevent the greatest discovery of the century from becoming the most deadly?
Woven in this modern-day thriller is the story of the Queen of Sheba in ancient Arabia. Drawing on my own experience of living in the Middle East as well as extensive research, this novel unites myth with possibility.
My publishing credits include a four-volume hardcover historical series set in 600 B.C. Arabia.
I’ve enclosed the opening pages of Queen. I appreciate your time.
Sincerely,
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1 comment:
In the very first intro paragraph I would suggest you insert a line that specifies the agent you are sending to (you were probably planning to do this anyway) just a line about why they specifically would have interest in your book--i.e. other books they've represented, genre interest, having met them at a conference.
for some reason "a" lethal plot throws me. It says "a lethal plot, captivating history..." and it sounds as if it implies "a lethal plot {and} a captivating history. I'm a grammar idiot, but it caught me both times I read through it.
I would also specify how many pages--I'm assuming you've left it ambiguous because different agents will have different requests, but you would want to be specific in the final letter and I'd include "I look forward to hearing from you" at the very end.
It sounds like you've already put a lot of work into this query since it's very tight and the book summary is very compact. Best of luck.
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